Custom Search

Friday, May 22, 2009

Friday Fill-Ins #125

Found this at Mariposa's site, and it seemed like fun, so here goes:

1. Moving sucks.

2. There's no such thing as free.

3. My best quality is my ability to get along with anyone.

4. Screw details.

5. In nearly 10 years, I've accomplished a lot, but often feel as though I haven't come very far at all.

6. Relaxation is what I need right now!

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to watching tv and going to bed, tomorrow my plans include cleaning up the place a bit and Sunday, I want to enjoy the weather outside with my son!

Try it, you'll like it! You still have 26 minutes if you're on EST like me, and plenty of time if you're further west.

Haiku Friday #21: Self-Challenge, Continued...

Haiku Friday

As long as I am
Updating you on current
Events in my life,

I might as well write
About my latest results
With my fitness goals:

When I updated
Last time, I mentioned that I
Was doing well with

Exercise, but not
So well with my diet plan.
Maybe I was too

Hard on myself, but
The gist was the same. I did
Take some advice from

My commenters, but
My habits are still not what
I want them to be.

I'm still steadily
Improving my overall
Level of fitness,

And soon I plan to
Start focusing on my strength
And balance training.

I am not eating
As well as I want to or
Should be, but I'm still

Trying and getting
Better every week; what I'm
Eating is good food,

But I have yet to
Find the right balance of foods
For me, including

More fruits and veggies.
I'm drinking more water and
My energy's high.

Okay, seriously, gotta switch to prose before I drive all you readers out there batty.

During the past month or so, when I'd been more depressed, I didn't keep up on my fitness plan much. But I can honestly say that I've been back on the wagon for a few weeks now, and I'm very happy with my basic level of fitness. I definitely have more energy, and moving gets easier and easier all the time.

Like I said, I'm not eating bad food, just maybe not enough of the really good stuff -- green vegetables and fruits, primarily. I'm getting better, though.

Anyone else out there still working on getting in shape? How's it going? Leave me a comment!

Want to read more haiku or try it out yourself? Click here.

Monday, May 18, 2009

Playing Catch-Up

I've had kind of a crappy few weeks month or so. I've been feeling myself sink into depression again, despite getting a lot better about minding my meds. Who knew that all it would take is putting the bottle of pills in my bedside drawer?

I've really needed to return to regular therapy. I loved my most recent therapist, but had to stop seeing her when our caseworker screwed up our Medicaid and they stopped paying for my sessions. So rather than call and try to resolve the matter, or attempt to find a new counselor, I've been sitting on my ass night after night, watching tv. I stay up later and later (and get up later and later -- meaning I've actually let it get bad enough that I've been late to work a few times), and I ignore all responsibility, save work and parenting duties.

My perfectionist side keeps telling me that trying to fix my situation wouldn't do any good -- that the insurance will never pay for a claim several months old and getting older every day, and even if I could find another therapist that takes our insurance, s/he wouldn't be as good as mine. So I disappear into my fantasy world and escape. Over and over. And once I start, I just can't seem to stop.

And it's been adversely affecting my whole life. Like I said, I've been late to work a few times, and when I'm at work, I am exhausted and can't do my job as well. I'm cranky and short-tempered with my son, and my marriage has suffered the most. Last week my husband and I were fighting pretty much the whole week. We've mentioned the "D word" before, but never decided it was the right thing to do.

Yesterday my husband decided he couldn't deal with it any more, and told me he couldn't see any other option but to get a divorce. I said a number of different things to try to change his mind, but nothing would. I told him that I wanted us to be together, but I didn't want him to be unhappy; if being apart would make him happy, then so be it.

But last night our son was sick. He had a midlevel fever, and he kept waking up again and again. I got up with him and got him to go back to sleep. The next thing I knew it was 5 AM and he was crying again. My husband said, "It's your turn. I got him last time, when you were sound asleep." I accused him of making it up (I had no memory of it, right?) but went and took care of the baby anyway.

Forty-five minutes later, I crawled back into bed and apologized for insulting him in that way. I rolled over to go back to sleep, and my leg brushed his. I didn't move it, and a few minutes later, he enveloped me in his arms and we cuddled. I said, "I missed this. . . . Do you really never want to do this again?" We spent the next half-hour cuddling and talking and making up.

All day I've been pretty deliriously happy. I know that we both have a lot of work to do to make up for what we've done to each other in the past several months, but right now, nothing can shake my good mood.

Blogger template 'Colorfull' by 2008